i lived in a bad neighborhood. a ninja vigilante was walking the streets, trying to take down drug dealers. i felt as though this was wrong, so i tried to stop him one night, sort of an anti-vigilante vigilante. he retaliated with a bag of ball bearings.

i shit you not.

there is more, but i'm afraid i'm out of juice. give me a call sometime and i'll tell you the full story.
you have yet to hear the midget story, and i'm surprised that k hasn't told you about that (it's a damn good story.)